Compassion

Compassion

Compassion, like Love, is one of those eternal, infinite forces which we are all aware of in one form or another. Although we might not understand exactly how it works, most of us have some intuitive sense of compassion in specific circumstances. We might see some act in a particular way, and say, “Wow, that was really compassionate.” We also might experience times when compassion was needed, and for some reason, it didn't quite manifest itself. In all of these times though, there can be a disconnect between having a vague feel for compassion, and actually understanding what compassion is.

Compassion is often associated with mercy. When I first experienced compassion, it was through witnessing people giving to others. The acts of giving came with a mindset that the giver was concerned with the best interests of others to whom they were giving. Giving a blanket to someone who is cold, so that they may stay healthy and comfortable, is a good example of a compassionate act. Helping someone study a math problem, so they can do better on their upcoming test, is a compassionate act.

However, there are times when people don't recognize what their best interests are, and at these times, people want something different than what, deep down inside, they know is truly best for them. A person who is addicted to a drug, knows they are addicted, and still abuses the drug, is at odds with his or her self. In this type of situation, a compassionate giver, truly giving in the best interests of the addict, will help the addict by not enabling them to maintain the self-destructive behavior. Sometimes, this may seem severe, because in being interested in what the addict needs, the compassionate giver may seem unconcerned with what the addict wants. The addict may react very violently to this type of compassionate act, and possibly even attempt to harm the person who is doing their best to help them!

Another good example of the severe aspect of compassion, believe it or not, is stubbing your toe. Ouch! How could the pain shooting up your leg be compassionate? Well, if you didn't get that pain response, you wouldn't know that you were in danger of damaging your foot. Without nerves sending us pain signals, we would be constantly banging ourselves up. With the pain signals, we not only can be made aware of how we are hurting ourselves, we can also begin to avoid repeating the same mistake in the future. Once we learn to avoid whatever chair or doorstop we've been stubbing our toes on, we can keep our feet safe without the pain signals. However, any time we lose sight of this, there's always the pain signal to remind us not to bang ourselves up!

This last example is a very important one, because it highlights how the merciful and severe aspects of compassion are always present, whether we seem them or not. Compassion is a force, and a mindset, which helps us get what we need. Mercy and severity are united in compassion, and we can't have one without the other. Believe it or not, giving a blanket to someone who is cold has a severe side. That person must come to terms with the truth that they aren't self sufficient in a separate, limited way, in that there are things outside their body which they depend on for survival. Preventing an addict from using is very merciful, because it frees them up from the self-destructive behavior and gives them a chance to be truly happy. It may seem contradictory, but that's just how big compassion is. It's an infinite force and consciousness, and it encompasses the opposites of mercy and severity.

While I'm on the subject of unifying opposites, there's another important point I'd like to make. As much as compassion is motivated outward to others, it is also motivated inward to ourselves, and it's this inward expression that actually happens before we can express compassion outward. We can't truly apply compassion or extend it to others, unless we ourselves first understand how compassion works. For example, we have to understand, through our own experience, why we might need a blanket before we can know that giving a blanket to someone else might be helpful. It's only after we have come to terms with our own addictions that we can have the strength of resolve to truly help an addict. The wondrous thing is that, in being compassionate to ourselves, we are being compassionate to others at the same time! In being merciful and severe to others, we must be merciful and severe with ourselves. It is then that we can begin to see the connection between self and other, and it is then that we can understand unity.